You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I want to fling myself into the sun
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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