I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
