Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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