marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Randomize
