Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
