I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
