YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
