bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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