There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
