im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
