what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she pinky promised me she was 18
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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