i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
