I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
