What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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