I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
