who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
