Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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