so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
