You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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