I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
