I'm gonna have a badass scar
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
