Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
