Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
