It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
