I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
