I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
