he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
