So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
