Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
