please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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