Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
