Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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