I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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