i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
