take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
