It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
