We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
