i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
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