Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
