Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
