New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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