I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
