If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
