doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
