Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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