Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
