Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
