Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
