Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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