did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I forget how to act sober
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