There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
