Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
