So gin and wine won't be happening again
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
