i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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