separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize