dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
