Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
