Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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