Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Pappa wants mamma naked
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I can't turn off my feet"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
