VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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