Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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