I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
