THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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