She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
