Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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