Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
