dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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