First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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