I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
