Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
