I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You ruined the universe
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
