found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
