you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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