Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Who died my cat blue again?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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