Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
