Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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