That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
