Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
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I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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