Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
